Anonymous asked: Name 2 things that you like about yourself, then pass it on to the first 10 people on your dash. #TeamSelfEsteem
My eyes and my hair. I honestly hate every other part of myself. I have a list of over a thousand parts I hate.
When you die, I’m going to eat birthday cake on your grave all by myself.
I wish I were prettier. I wish I were smarter. I wish I had a better personality. I wish I were more fun. I wish I were thinner. I wish I had more compassion. I wish I were less selfish. I wish I weren’t sick because depression just really fucking sucks.
I fell in love with a boy four, no five now, five years ago. I gave him my heart and my soul and my mutilated mind. I let the joy and love he gave me fill my cracks. But, he did a dastardly thing and he was unfaithful throughout the entirety of everything. Is that allowed to count as unfaithful when we were only just friends for all the days I knew him? I suppose not. I suppose I shouldn’t feel so betrayed and hurt by him. Then again, it’s different because of how we treated each other. We treated the other as though we were in a committed relationship without the label. I suppose that’s why this hurts so badly. That has to be why I feel so miserable. That has to be why I’ve cried myself to sleep for the past three weeks and opened up old scars and tossed around the idea of suicide more than ever. I don’t think I’m destined for love. I’m too unstable for dating or flirting or genuine gestures. I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to be the rock you were for me. Please just don’t forget about me. Tell your kids about our first kiss together and don’t change my name. Think of me when you think of summers spent in a cabin and winters wishing you were back. I know I’m mental and I’m sorry.
I’ve had an eventful summer so far. I found out that Anoosh had been talking to/flirting with/seeing other girls throughout the entirety of our relationship and that he has a reputation of being a player. Well congratulations, you played me for four years. Enjoy being able to hold that over my head.
I was a counselor at camp for my first week ever. I had six girls in my cabin and a CIT and it was so incredibly fun. It was everything I had dreamed about for the past ten years. I was able to be integrated in with the old staff. Lauren told me she wants to see more of me being myself. Austin, Kyle, and Cody tried to kidnap me which means they like me. Nick invited me to help prank his kids. Davis, Derrick, Aaron, and Eddie invited me and a couple others to dinner with them. Amber, Christa, Rachel and I pranked our girls all night by playing pass the ketchup and waking them up at 2 am to tell them they were late for flagpole. I broke the first arrow of the year. My girls and I won the camp scavenger hunt due to all I know about camp. A ten year old had a crush on me and I got voted the counselor with the prettiest hair. I can not wait for week four so I can go back.
My grandfather passed away three nights ago. I’m worried for my mom. He was her best friend and I don’t want to see her upset. We fly to Pennsylvania on Friday and come home the next Friday. I’m sad because of the circumstances, but excited nonetheless to see my family.
As a final note, just to get these emotions out. Fuck you, Anoosh. Fuck you for letting me give you my heart. Fuck you for letting me share suicidal thoughts with you. Fuck you for being the only person I trusted with everything. You fucking asshole. You fucking took that and probably just laughed at how easily you were able to play me. I fucking hate that I still love you and want you in my life, but fuck you and stay out.
Staff Training.
Day one was really fun. Day two was fun. Day three kind of sucked because Trey got here and so did Blake and Hannah ditched me for her boyfriend and couple friends. Day four was fun too. Day five sucked because all I’ve done is pick up trash and clean bathrooms. Day six is tomorrow and I’ll be learning CPR and First Aid. Yes. Sunday the kiddies come and I am super excited. Now I have to pick up more trash. K, bye.
Books have to be heavy because the whole world’s inside them.
its ironic how Psy’s name is pronounced ‘sigh’ because thats exactly what i do when i hear gangnam style for the 67th time that fucking day
“On average, there are 7 people in the world that look similar to you.”
omg bless you all i hope you’re all okay I’m so sorry omg no
my 6 year old brother has been crying for the past 20 minutes because my parents didn’t invite him to their wedding 19 years ago
i think what pisses me off more than anything else is the little spot the windshield wipers miss when it’s raining
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